A shit too far? "Chris Purcell"

I have waited for a few weeks to write more of the blog as so much was happening at once. I will start this tale with the radiography Christmas dinner which happened this week.

A bug (d+v) was being passed round our hospital like a hot potato but me Chris and Steve were completely unaware of this so when Chris woke up feeling very sick we just assumed he had eaten something bad. However 3 stops into our morning train journey Chris used a plastic bag to throw up in. Chris jumped off the train and Steve looked over to see the poor chap crouched down next to a pillar throwing up. At this point we realised that our dear friend would not be making the Christmas party that night. We told everyone at work he had some bad food and we expected it was sushi from the MTR station. However after work as we started walking towards the party venue Steve looks across at me and said “I think I have diarrhoea” I told him to suck it up and try and enjoy the meal. We arrived and sat down next to some colleagues and they explained that there would be ten dishes for the meal and free drinks. After some party games which are not worth mentioning the bush tucker trials began. If everyone closes their eyes now and thinks back to that dinner scene in Indiana Jones temple of doom where they eat snake and chilled monkey brains (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDBybXy1vY4) that is how I felt! (although the food was delicious)  The first dish was roasted pork which was nice apart from the head was on the plate as well. This theme continued throughout with the fish and chicken having heads and all attached. I refused the goose feet but Steve tucked right in and then when he ate the Sea Cucumber intestine his face changed and I knew something was going wrong. He complained of being very very cold and started to go very white nearly the same paste as me! Just before the end he had to leave and told me he did not make it two stops before stopping to sit down for a while. I stayed until the end and after 4 small cans of beer and some wine was slightly tipsy, luckily a friend offered me a lift home so no one could see my slightly tipsy state. The one thing I have to mention about the party is the prizes won in the raffle: 2 i-pad minis, 1 galaxy s2 notebook, 3 large cash prizes and a 40 inch HD tv...I won some shampoo yippee.

THE PLAGUE

So turned out that the disease Chris had was not due to bad sushi and had spread to Steve. At this time some native Fijian refugees turned up (Jordan and Kathy) they had spent months in Fiji and our small flat with 6 people now living in it was the perfect conditions for the PLAGUE to spread further. Steve after 24 hours of turmoil had recovered ready for a massive night out in Wan Chai. Chris was still feeling ill so did not come with us but me, Steve, Sarah, Kathy and Jordan ventured out into the danger zone. The easiest way to describe Wan Chai is by telling you about the people who were there: 1.Old white men 2.Filipino ladies 3.Us

Wan chai is the seediest place I have ever been in my life! Even worse than union street! With curtained off clubs (t***y bars) and ladies inviting you to every bar/club it was an odd experience however the drinks were flowing and we went into a club which just had a massive neon sign stating DISCO. I expected a Saturday night fever like scene however yet again we were greeted with middle aged men and Filipinos. By this point we were pretty dunners and the dancing was in full swing, luckily for me I had Sarah to protect me from the hordes of Filipino maids which seemed to polish other parts for cash. Jordan being the man he is took this odd collection of creatures in his stride and danced the night away with many a woman. Kathy went home. After physically stopping Jordan leave the club with one lucky lady we decided to head home but not before going Maccy Ds again. Jordan was out cold now so a game of human buckaroo ensued sadly the game ended when he threw my Big mac on the floor L.

The next day we awoke to a horrid scene everyone was in a bad way and the PLAGUE had spread to Sarah. She was up most the night vomiting and now in the morning was continuing to throw up everything, me being the incredibly caring boyfriend I am left her to go to the gym and meet Larry. When I returned from the gym Chris offered to cook me sausages, mash and onion gravy! Sadly the brief smile that never really touched my face vanished when I suddenly needed the toilet, hoping it was just going to be a solid number 2 I removed the vomiting Sarah from the toilet and began to destroy the en-suite with yet more chemical war fare. The next 4-6 hours that followed I had to listen to Sarah throw up and she had to listen to my ass imitate a wet trumpet.

Just when we thought the PLAGUE was over Jordan contracted it and added the victim count to 5! Somehow Kathy did not get ill so we all bow down and admire her superior immune system.

Christmas time

Christmas was very odd for us here. The weather was warm and without our family it didn’t feel very Christmassy. We decided that everyone would get 2 presents from the flat. One present would be funny and the other a nice one, here is the list of gifts:

Steve: Scented candles, Chairman Mao playing cards and Boxing pads

Sarah: Oven gloves, very nice watch

Chris: A majestic dressing gown, COD: Black Ops 2

Me: Justin Bieber mug, NBA 2K13

As you can see Steve got 3 gifts but this was due to the fact I had to get the playing cards for him. Some may also notice that I got not one but two great gifts and no joke present, personally I don’t know why this is you would have to message the guys.

To finish off Christmas day Chris and Sarah cooked a full Christmas dinner complete with pudding. Myself and Steve would have helped however we were banished from the kitchen because we are not great cooks. Two examples : Steve’s first meal for us in HK he cooked a Thai curry which was nice however one bite into the chicken Chris had to stop the meal as it was not cooked properly. The second example is my attempt at baking yes I actually managed to give me and my dad the shits a year ago when I made a batch of chocolate and banana muffins I don’t know what more I can say. The meal the guys cooked was gorgeous and then we went to our friends house on the main island for a mini night out which ended in me sat in a taxi trying desperately not to throw up and Steve abusing the taxi driving claiming he couldn’t understand him anyway .

New Years Eve party over here?

You may have expected me to have a massive story about our new year’s however everyone was tired we attempted to get to the harbour it was busy so just watched the fireworks from the flat while drinking a few beers THE END.

Queer eye for the straight guy

I have commented on mine and Chris’s gym before ‘California Fitness’ and I feel the need to comment on its homo behaviour yet again. Firstly the music played in the male changing rooms is so gay! From Celine Dion- my heart must go on to Gabrielle- Out of reach...It is just ridiculous just naked men walking round to old love ballads. Obviously I would make a complaint but they are classics and nothing beats walking out the steam room with an apparent mist flowing out behind you while Natalie Imbruliga-Torn blares out. The 2^nd issues is slightly more concerning and very disturbing, basically for the first few months when we showered there were always holes at waist level in the shower curtains but we just assumed it was because we were using the same showers. However on one fateful afternoon Chris moaned about having the shower curtain with the bloomin hole in again and then a sudden realisation hit me, mine also had a hole in and so did the other 3 opposite. Each hole was at an average Asian mans waist level and each was clearly ripped open rather than skilfully cut so sadly some ass bandit has taken to turning our gym into the perfect gay day out.

Sorry about the massive delay in this update but work has been busy and life has been a tad hectic. Next update will be when we return from Bangkok. We go there on Monday and will celebrate Chris’s 25^th by going to a ping pong show. Also one of my mates Jamil is visiting so another trip to Wan Chai is in order.

Much Love Matt